Saturday, December 10, 2011

Wow, another busy week went by so fast.  Ryder was the "star student of the week" in his room at school, so we had to make a poster for that, it was his un-birthday on Friday so I made him some cupcakes, we went and ate lunch with him on Tuesday. That was really fun. I like to see what his days are like at school, and that gave me a little glimpse, and all those little kids are just too cute!  Thursday was my Mary Kay holiday open house, which was just about a flop-thank God for the 5 people that did show up (and 2 of them were family). That will be the last year I do that, my product is slowly dwindling.  I will still keep up to date with ordering and such, but no more parties, and no more adopt a grandparent right before Christmas. It's making me grumpy. Thank goodness it's about over. What else happened this week....oh-Thursday night/Friday morning I woke up at 3:30am and never fell back to sleep. So that sucked. That about sums up my week. Hoping this next week goes better.

Quay worked last night, then went to coach a wrestling tournament all day. He got home around 3:30pm with a very horse voice. He fell asleep about 6pm and hasn't really woken up except for about 15 minutes to eat a little and watch the very beginning of Home Alone with us. Poor guy-too much on his plate.  I am very proud of him--he is finally quitting his chewing habit. He's been on chantrix for about 3 weeks and we are all still alive!! No one has killed eachother from mood swings or withdrawls. Haha!

Christmas is fast approaching-only 2 weeks!

Saturday, December 3, 2011


How do you explain to a 6 year old little boy that you can't have anymore children?

Ryder was sitting on my lap just 5 minutes ago looking at a Christmas card we got last year from some friends that have 4 little boys, he proceeded to say that they have 6 people in their family. I answered with "yes, they have 4 kids,I suppose you would like to have 3 brothers?"  He replied with a yes and our conversation lead to trying to explain to him that I can't have any more children.  I said to him that he was our miracle child, because we went to the dr. to have him also like we  tried to do twice this year without success.

We agreed that even one brother would be nice, and he tells me that he still prays for a brother every night.  The tears are flowing down my cheeks thinking of my sweet little child that prays for a sibling.  Of course it is something I pray for so very often also, but thinking of Ryder doing it just about breaks my heart.  I am still waiting for my answer or explanation. I honestly think I know why God made us wait for Ryder like we did-because I couldn't imagine a more perfect child.  But this time the answer isn't as clear, yet.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

It's beginning..... look a lot like Christmas!! At my house that is. :)  We have done about 90% of our decorating. It's taking a while because I have been busy working, making all that cash. Ha!  Yesterday after school Ryder and I decorated the tree in the living room, we put it up Monday night.  As I was hanging ornaments with Ryder I came across the ornament we bought when I was pregnant. It brought tears to my eyes thinking about how fast time has gone and my little baby is 6 years old already.  I have loved every age he has been, just wish time would S--L--O--W down.  I love how excited he is about Christmas-he was SO excited to decorate. He couldn't wait.

Today it is snowing-maybe this stuff will stick around. I like snow for Christmas, and maybe this will make it feel more like the season it is. 

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

Well-the day is about over and I am shot. I ate way too much today, I just feel miserable.

I have so much to be thankful for--wonderful husband, beautiful son, a great family, house, cars, money in my bank account, friends, food in my cupboards/fridge, and SO much more.  It makes me wonder why we still strive for more more more.Why do we always need better or bigger? I guess it's just human nature to want to better ourselves whether it's really needed or not.

I can't help but feel a little sad right now. I should be holding a newborn baby in my arms, or at least be ready to have one any day. If only our little embies would have made it in February.  These days are hard to tackle. I try not to think about it, but it's hard.  I am sure I will do the same at the end of June. I still struggle some days, and it's always worse at night. Like tonight especially--Quay is at work and Ryder stayed at grandma and grandpa's house. I have too much time to think about what might have been. I know you can't live life wondering about the 'what-if's'. I still hold out hope that God will grant us the right to give Ryder a sibling.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Busy life

Well-what a busy week it's been. I got a job!! It's very part-time but it's something. I am helping a friend do office work 4-5 hours a week. It does come with some good perks-I get to visit with her while on the job, I don't have to dress up, I don't have set hours, I get to play with her little baby-couldn't get much better than that!

Life is just flying by-tomorrow is Thanksgiving!! Where did that come from?  I am excited to spend time with family and relax for a day. We do have a busy weekend planned though. Thursday-eat. Friday-shop with my brothers for our annual black friday shopping trip. Saturday-wedding of a good friend. Sunday-go to the Dickens Festival in Garrison. And tonight we are getting family pictures done.

A few days back I looked at my fall bouquet on my table and found an army man inside. Hmmm....I wonder how that got in there?

We did a get a light dusting of snow last weekend-it has since melted. Ryder was so excited though to see the white driveway that when we got home from church he felt the urge to shovel.

Monday, November 14, 2011

The wrath of an angry mother

So last week--again--someone took another attempt at running over my child while he was crossing the road to get on the bus in the morning.  We have called the school and the cops. You would think something would get done. No. This morning the same thing-except I was there with  pencil and paper to write down the plate number of the idiot that drove past the bus with it's flashing red lights on while my child was still on the road.  My husband or I will be walking out with him daily to catch these criminals in the act.  I have also written a letter to our local paper to alert people on what is happening and maybe put some sense into them. 

Here's my letter for those of you that don't get our paper:

My son started kindergarten this fall, and he was so excited to ride the school bus. We live just out of city limits so he rides one of the big yellow buses.  In the last month or two though, riding the school bus has become very dangerous for him and from what I am told other children as well that live on this Highway 200.  There have been 4 occasions now when people have passed the bus, or tried to, while its red lights are still flashing-all the while my son is still on the highway.  I don’t know what people think the bright red flashing red lights are for-but they certainly don’t mean just to slow down or stop then go again while they are still flashing.  We have called the school, we have talked to the sheriff’s department, and I know our bus driver has talked to the city police.  Our bus driver does a wonderful job of watching and motioning for our 6 year old on when to cross, but he can’t predict what the idiots on the road are going to do.  I predict soon a child is going to get hurt or killed.  I highly doubt anyone wants that on their conscience—so I am asking everyone to please obey the rules of the road so these children can get to school and home safely.  My husband and I will be walking out with our son every morning and writing down the license plate numbers of those who have forgotten that red means stop.  If you happen to be one of them-expect a nice fine.

If this non-sense continues to happen we will keep calling the police and the school until something gets done.  It would be nice to see a cop make a presence at the time the bus is at our house or one of the others. We have yet to see it. I don’t see the traffic situation getting any better as the oil boom gets closer.  Do we have to wait until a child gets hit to do something about this problem?

Here is what the Rules of the Road manual published by our ND DOT says about buses:

(Quote)When a school bus is stopped and flashing its red lights, drivers approaching from

both directions must stop. This is because children are being loaded or unloaded. The

drivers cannot proceed until 1) the bus begins moving; or 2) the bus driver signals to let

vehicles pass; or 3) the red lights are no longer flashing. When a school bus is equipped

with yellow caution lights, these lights may be used as a warning that the school bus is

about to stop and that the red flashing lights will soon come on. Be especially alert every

time you see a school bus. (End quote)

So what do you think? Get the point across?

We ran to Bismarck today, picked up a log splitter and a snowblower and get this-it was all free!! Well, for now. The log splitter is a friends, and he and Quay are going to share it. Quay's going to get it running again, so it will cost a little bit.  The snowblower was free though-the guy wanted it out of his garage. We did a few short trips around town and back before Ryder got home from school.  Not much else exciting around the Hagel household.  No snow yet, so our winter just keeps getting shorter.

Thanksgiving is fast approaching! As is Christmas, we have started shopping. Ryder is done, now on to everyone else.

Monday, November 7, 2011

On my mind

So there has been a lot on our minds lately. Whew.  We got a wild hair and decided we want to move again. We went and looked at a house that is for sale out in the country-great location, but the house just isn't quite what we want. It  has a floor plan that we can't see ourselves living in. So on to plan B, finding some land or an old farmstead and building our "dream" house. Oh boy-this sounds like fun stressful. Ha! It will be both I know.  I say "dream" house because I know it won't be ALL that we want, because to put it mildly-we can't afford that. We can afford what we NEED though, and it's not a mansion that's for sure. It will be our cottage in the country.  If we could pick this house up that we are in right now and move it-I think we would. We like our house-we've made it home. But location, location, location.  The highway traffic is getting worse here and we are ready for some privacy.

We've been working on getting those little projects done in our house.  So when it comes down to selling this house-we're ready. It's nice to have trim around my doors again. {smiling} 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


On to a better month-a month full of thankfullness!  The last week was trying.  Ryder got sick last week Wednesday at 3am. Just what I like to wake up to-a sick kid telling me he didn't make it to the bathroom.  Then I started feeling nauseous.  I never got physically sick but I have felt nauseous for a week. Yuck. It's all better now.  Quay then got sick also over the weekend.  So hopefully that's all out of our systems and we can be healthy for the rest of the year.

Halloween was wonderful this year--the temperature was so warm that we didn't have to bundle up like eskimos.  Ryder got his fair share of candy for us all to munch on for the next 6 months. Ha! We carved some pumpkins the night before. Ryder enjoyed cleaning out the guts.

Sadly our kitty died last week. We don't really know what happened. Ryder was out playing with her in the afternoon and an hour later she was dead. There was a strange cat hanging out that we think may have something to do with it. We feel we just aren't meant to have a cat. Ryder was so sad, he just loves cats.

I got something exciting last week-my Silhouette Cameo came!!! I tried it out and it is awesome!! I can't wait to get some vinyl to make a few things.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Coming to terms

I am coming to terms with the fact that I will not get pregnant again, and that Ryder will grow up an only child.  I am still sad about it, of course. I can still cry almost instantly if I think about it, but I am staying strong because this is God's will for us.  I trust in Him. I know someday I will see the babies I was unable to carry.  There are 5 of them waiting for us, and I can only imagine.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you."
{Jeremiah 1:5}

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Life goes on....

Okay-so aside from my latest posts--we have been going on with life.  It does go on and you must continue to live and do fun things--RIGHT!!!?  So--we got a new friend in our family. Ryder named her Fuzzy. She is a cute little fuzzball of a kitten.  Just petite in her own right. She follows us around outside like a dog would, and loves to chase Ryder.  She has pretty blue eyes that I hope stay that way.

Last weekend my whole family was home {all 6 of us kids with spouses and children in tow} so we had a fun weekend of hanging out and visiting. We haven't all been together since June 4 so it was way over due.  We took the kiddos to Papa's Pumpkin Patch in Bismarck for an afternoon-they had a lot of fun in the bale maze.

We have also gotten a lot of work done around here.  Quay finally finished all the trailers and got them out of my front yard.  We got the garage all shingled-can I get a HOORAY!!  My pre-winter to do list on the fridge is almost complete!  What an accomplishment-it's nice to see those things crossed off.

I am ready for something great to happen in our lives though, because despite the few fun things we have done lately--it seems nothing is going right. Our dog, Odie, destroyed our last fence collar {ugh}, he has been sick for several days so he is on dog-antibiotics, and this morning when I let Odie outside I looked down into the basement to find about 3 inches of water in it!!!  So to put it out mildly-we've had a bad month. I am ready for November to come so maybe our luck will turn around. I want to put all of this behind me and move on to bigger and better things!!

Sunday, October 23, 2011


So-the ride is still on.  One day I am great, no problem-I can handle this.  But not 2 minutes later I am a sobbing mess of tears.  And the tears just flow.  I still don't understand, and I probably never will. I am just having a hard time with that. Every time I turn around a new person is announcing their pregnancy and I just want to scream.  I don't know what to do with myself. I have distanced myself from people because I just can't deal with them right now. I need to mourn the loss of someone I never even knew, someone I never got the chance to know, but I love them just the same because in my dreams I could see their tiny face, and feel their tiny hands wrap around my finger. I wanted a chance to be a mother again to another sweet little someone. I have an amazing group of friends and family. I have had so many tell me if I need anything to let them know. But there is only one thing that I need right now and no one can give me that. No one can make this empty feeling go away. My heart is broken, and I know that time will heal it, but right now I am just sad. I wish I had something one to show for all the money we spent on IVF and FET. But we don't-it was all for nothing. It was money spent on sadness and emptyness. I know we must take chances in life, and I really thought this chance was going to be worth it, but so far not.

I need something happy to happen in my life.  I am holding on to my family with all I've got, because they are my everything. I am clinging to God, waiting for His answer on what I should do next.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Make it stop...

I usually really like carnival rides, but this emotional roller coaster I am on needs to come to a halt.  The weekend was okay-one day I feel great, the next its like I am in the gutter.  I just feel so "betrayed", like God brought my hopes up again, then they just crashed down and were stomped on.  I know there is a higher power at work here, I know God is in control. But dang it-just once I want a break. When does my family become complete?

Last night I was reading my new Redbook magazine. As I flipped through the pages I come to a big article on Infertility. Wow-there it was staring at me. Infertility-my disease.  I have known I am infertile for nearly 8 years now, but it is still just so hard to grasp.  I still hold out hope every month that my ugly monthly friend won't show up and I will get that "surprise!!!" feeling that I have never felt.  In the magazine they talked about some videos other women have made telling their journey on Infertility Road. So, I got out the laptop and watched a few of these videos, and one truly hit home for me.  It was a woman like me who had primary infertility, had 2 children through IVF and is now going through secondary infertility to try and have a 3rd child.  She explained in her video how she just feels that her family isn't complete, she is so thankful for the children she has but yearns for just one more.  That is exactly how I feel!!! I am over the moon about my little boy-he is the greatest gift I have ever received, but I just don't feel whole. I feel there is someone missing, and infertility has robbed me of that person I may never get to meet.  Last night Quay and I got into bed and just out of nowhere the tears flowed down my cheeks.  For the last month or so I had been imagining being pregnant again, looking at baby stuff in the stores, buying maternity clothes. I think the biggest disappointment I have about not being pregnant is not being able to tell Ryder that he is going to be a big brother.  We haven't really told him that it didn't work yet, I just don't even know what to say to him.  I know he's going to be sad, but being 6 I know he'll get over it in 5 minutes. Not like his mom who takes 5 months.

Life is hard. Plain and simple. It sucks sometimes and you wonder if you are doing the right thing. Sometimes I wonder why we even tried again. Now we are in debt again, and for nothing. I have nothing to show for it but a scarred heart, and a tear stained face. I guess as humans we just always have to strive for more, why can't we just be satisfied? Why why why.......

Friday, October 14, 2011

It's over

The week is finally over and I must say I am relieved. It's been the longest week-full of anxiety.  On Wednesday morning we got our first beta test pregnancy test results only to be heartbroken once again when she told me the number was less than 1.  Today we went back for test #2, and again-negative.  I am truly broken hearted that I won't be pregnant ever again.  I loved being pregnant, I found it to be truly amazing that a tiny little person was growing inside of me. 

I just feel so broken. My body won't do what a woman's body is supposed to do. I feel like I try so hard in life to do the "right" thing, be a good person, but it just doesn't seem like it matters.  Why doesn't God answer our prayers? Why can't I have a house full of children?  I know there is a reason for everything, but I don't get this one.  I hope someday I will find the answer.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Ball of nerves

That's me-I tried to keep myself occupied today with doing some simple projects, but I didn't get far.  I got winded very quickly and started getting cramps so I quit. Sat in my green lazy-boy and spent some time on Pinterest.

Tomorrow is a big deciding factor on the rest of our lives.  We go in for our first blood test and hope to hear high numbers with the phone call. If not-I will be sad-but I know there is nothing I can do about it. God has a plan for me and I must follow it-even if I feel it is unfair.  I have one perfect little boy that I absolutely adore!  Last night he asked me, "so do you think there is a baby in there?", pointing to my stomach. I reply with a "I don't know?"  He walks away saying, "I sure hope there is and I don't care if it's a brother or a sister!"

I sure hope he's right-and I don't care if it's a brother or a sister either. I don't care if this little embryo split into 2--I just want a new bundle of joy to love and hold. I want my son to grow up with a sibling that he can love, fight with, grow up with, be there for.

Dear God,  I pray for a blessing, a miracle.


Friday, October 7, 2011

A little bit of this....

Yesterday was just one of those days. We accomplished some, but not really much of anything.  Quay finally got his sled trailer out of the front yard, only to bring the car trailer home and park it in it's place.  We got 3/4 of the pumpkins loaded in the yard cart, now to figure out what to do with them. I am thinking of taking what I want and making a for sale sign for the rest out by the highway. We have way too many.  It was a mascara only type day-and I am loving Mary Kay's new Love Lash Mascara. It really makes your lashes longer and fuller.

We had our first parent-teacher conferences with Mrs. Kaylor yesterday afternoon. She had nothing but good to say about our boy.  {insert pride here}  He is average to above-average in all his subjects. She has him in the advanced reading class, which surprises me-but I knew I had a smart kid.  There are just a few things he needs to work on-a few letters and the number 9.  She said he was the only kid in the class to know what the letter 'Q' was (thanks to his dad's name--Quay).  He has been the only child in the classroom not to lose his green discipline card all school year!! Wow! She commented on how organized he is, how much of a perfectionist he is, and how large his vocabulary is.  I am just so proud of him. And to think--he didn't even go to pre-school. Hahaha!!

Last night after Quay went to work, Ryder and I were outside. The wind had died down and it was just absolutely lovely out.  Ryder was playing in the leaves, so I decided to snap a few pictures.  He just LOVES leaves.  Oh and the dogs had to wrestle with him too. (No--Roo isn't biting him even though it does look like it)

A favorite fall snack-dry roasted peanuts and candy corn--Mmmm mmmm good!! Tastes like a salted nut roll.

Five Things Thursday-Traveling

I realize it's Friday already-but I will join this linky party anyway.  The 5 Days 5 Ways blog has invited us to post about traveling-well I seem to know a little about that this year, since we have done our fair share of it (for us anyway).

Here is a Hawaiin sunset from a beach in Maui. My husband and I traveled to Oahu and Maui in February in celebration of our 10 year anniversary. Most spectacular place ever!!  I can't wait to go back.

This is in Las Vegas in April--we traveled here for my sister-in-law's wedding. It was a fun family vacation!

This was our most "traveled" to place this summer-our sailboat, "Lil' Slippery", which resides on Lake Sakakawea about 20 minutes from where we live. We had a lot of fun times on it and some not so fun but memorable times. :)

This is in the North Dakota badlands near Medora, ND.  We try to go here every couple of years, it's just a couple hour drive but the scenery is just gorgeous.  (excuse my son-he couldn't stand the bright sun-haha!)

This was taken at my parents farm. It's only a 10 minute drive from my house, but it's one of my favorite places to be because it's where my family is!  I spend a lot of time there in the summer months.

five days five ways | 5 Things Thursday

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


It was a good day to be on bedrest today-because the wind is a BLOWING!  I have done a few more productive things today-like pay bills, held the couch down,  helped Quay make spaghetti sauce for supper.  That's about it. I guess I didn't do much. Oh well.  I just hate this wait. Only one more week.  I have found a new show that I really like-The Doctors. I am learning all kinds of stuff! Ha!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The Wait

Here we are-on the dreaded 2ww. That is forum language for two week wait.  I don't have to wait quite 2 weeks-only 1 1/2 but still dreadfully long to find out what your future will hold for the next...oh of your life!  We went to the clinic yesterday morning, arrived in an early fashion. The nurse took us back within 5 minutes, we got our post-transfer instructions--48 hrs bedrest, and lots of other "no-no's" until after my blood tests, Dr. C came in and talked to us. He informed us that only one of our embryos made the thaw, but the other one had grown from 10 cells to 14 cells that morning, so we had a Grade 2- 14 cell embryo just waiting for his/her new home!!  They took us into the transfer room and my bladder was actually doing okay being quite full.  Bob the U/S tech checked my bladder and I was cleared for take off.  It only took about 10 more minutes and I had that little embryo nestled up in there.  I laid in the transfer room for 20 minutes flat on my back just letting the little guy get real comfy, hoping he/she wants to make that their home for the next 9 months. :)  Our nurse came back in and said it was time to go home and rest.

So here I am--resting. Quite bored actually.  I have run out of things to do. The tv is off, the computer has been searched and searched some more. My husband is outside getting projects done before it gets cold. My son is in school (only 1 more hour for today!!).   One more day then I can do some not so hard things. I plan on taking it easy until next week. My blood tests are scheduled for Oct. 12 and the 14th.  They cannot come soon enough.  I have our embryo-baby picture on the fridge. Hoping to replace it soon with an u/s picture.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Busy week

It was a very busy week to end September.  As I predicted Quay didn't make it home to go to Fargo for our appointment, so my Dad tagged along with me.  We left after Ryder's dentist appointment, in which my little man got a shiny silver tooth. Oy!  Wednesday morning was my appointment and I got wonderful news!! No more U/S appointments-we scheduled my transfer day!! Hooray!  So that meant that Thursday I got to start taking more pills and the dreaded progesterone in oil shots.  (I had to make myself a colorful chart so I know when I take all my pills.) So far they have been quite painful (the shots that is), just as expected.  Friday I attend the Norsk Hostfest with my parents. We saw some great cover bands of Abba and The Beatles. That evening we went to The Gaithers. WONDERFUL! I have been to a couple of their concerts now and they are just such an uplifting experience.  Saturday proved to be a lazy day for me.  Ryder and I picked our pumpkins out of the garden, only to realize that it was hot outside! I headed back to the house and took a nap while Ryder watched Toy Story 3.

Today we are headed to Fargo again.  Our embryo transfer is Monday morning at 11am. I am starting to get a little freaked out, but I know it's all in God's hands. I can't control what happens in the next week. I just pray for 1 or 2 sticky little babies! I want high numbers next week on that labwork.

I woke up this morning and looked out the window to an awesome sight!  The sun was rising and peeking through the clouds. It was like God was showing me how beautiful he makes things and that I shouldn't worry. That's what I am going on anyway! :)   So I went out and snapped a picture. If you are reading this blog, I would appreciate a prayer for my family-that it may expand in the next 9 months.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Fall Floral Pumpkins

So today I was feeling a little crafty and I needed to use the supplies I bought a couple weeks ago.  I bought some foam pumpkins, a few bunches of artificial fall flowers, and some ribbon (all from Michael's craft store).  I knew the flowers would be way too many for just one arrangement so I did buy 2 pumpkins and I am giving one to my sister-in-law.  I hope she likes it!  These were SO easy to make. I didn't realize the pumpkins were foam all the way through-so I thought I was going to have to cut the top off and put floral foam inside-but when I stuck my knife in I realized what they were.  So-all I had to do was poke in the stems-and voila-a beautiful arrangement.  I  made the bows and these both took me about 45 minutes to make. So simple.

Now I have to decide which one I want to keep and which one I am going to give away. I think I will let Ryder decide. :)

Wonderful fall

So far the weather has been amazing this fall season.  It's warm and sunny, not a lot of wind.  The weekend went way too quickly again-and here are stuck on a Monday.  While my husband is traveling the US for a few days, I spent some time with my parents over the weekend. 

Saturday, Ryder and I rode along to the farm. Little did I know I was going to be put to work!  I helped move to a new field, I drove the pickup pulling the header behind it.  Then we get to the field and I helped my dad get the header on and everything ready for combining.  I jumped up in the combine with him to go along for a round only to see that there was a terrible hydraulic hose leak.  So I helped get the hose out, then we trekked to town so he could get a new hose, then back out to the field to put the hose back on. I must say it went together more smoothly than it came off (only a couple hours wasted-ugh!).  So-we  Dad--finally got it all functioning smoothly and off we went. I rode along for several hours, we had a good talk about this and that. This was my first ride in my dad's "new" green combine.  Good thing I went along-as this is his last field of the year.

Sunday was a lazy day. We watched a little football only to be upset by most of the games. I got my mom's pictures all loaded onto her computer and her flash drive, cleaned up their laptop so it's a little more user friendly.  That's about it. Like I said-lazy day!  Came home and got Ryder to bed, but stayed up way too late watching HSN.  Silly me!  I thought I wanted the new Cricut machine, but I think I am leaning more toward the new Silhouette Cameo. It just seems like an easier choice-no cartridges to buy-just hook it up to the computer and go. I just need to come up with the money to order one now.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Nervous mess

Yup-that's me. A ball of nerves at the moment.  We have 2 weeks until we put our 2 little embyos back in me, and I am turning into an emotional roller coaster.  I am part of a private mommy forum and one of the other mom's just got a + on a home pregnancy test after her FET last week.  I think this is what got me going.  I hadn't really thought much about all of this other than it's going to happen and I can't do anything about it. What happens, happens. I have tried to stay very neutral this go around, but my hopes are starting to rise.  I want this to work so badly, this is my last chance. I can't afford to try again and  I don't think my body can handle it emotionally if it doesn't work.  I try to think positive, but I know where that got me in February.  I think the estrogen pills I am now on may also be to blame for this sudden "too much thinking" phenomenon. Hormones-they suck.

On another note-I had to take the little man {Ryder} to the dentist last night after school. He was complaining of a sore tooth. He had a big ole cavity!!  He has a temporary filling at the moment, and gets a permanent crown next week Tuesday. When I asked him what he thought about the dentist his reply was "I Loved it!"  Wow-that's good I guess!  We also got his school eye exam results back-they say his left eye is near sighted, and he needs to get his eyes checked. Great. Why couldn't he inherit my good teeth and my good eyes?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Baby fever!!

Okay-almost a week since my last entry-bad mama.  Last week we traveled to Fargo on Thursday night after Quay got home from work. We stayed with Dan and April, it was nice to see them again as it has been awhile.  Friday morning we had my Dr. appointment.  All went well with that, I am on schedule and I started some new pills this week. Only a couple weeks until we know our family count. (I would like to be a family of 5)  ;)  It's making me a little nervous, but I am not trying to get my hopes up, or be totally negative-just neutral right now. We go back next week for another u/s appointment and to set up our FET.  Friday we did a little shopping after the Dr. Dan and April came along so we got to see them more than just an hour while we were there.

 Friday morning we got the exciting call from our best friends, Phil and Angie, that they had their baby--a GIRL!! We are so happy for them. Her name is Piper Margaret, 7 lbs. 10 oz.  We stopped at the hospital on the way home from Fargo and got to meet her. She is just as precious as could be! I got to hold her and it only made me want another (or two!) baby even more so. 

The weekend went super fast as normal.  Saturday I went rummage sale'ing with Joel and my mom. We had a lot of fun and we each found good bargains.  We ended it a little early when my car died and Quay had to come jump us, but we were pretty pooped out anyway.  That evening we attended the fire summer picnic-which again was at the fire hall.  Sunday we went to the lake for a couple hours. Took a short sail across the lake and back-it was a blustery day!  The waves were getting pretty big out there. We cleaned more stuff out of the boat and headed back home.  We picked the carrots out of the garden-the massive carrots!! And Ryder found a few caterpillar friends again.

Monday we went for a walk with Odie out by the farm. Quay wanted to get him some field practice before hunting is here. We also got our wood piled in the shed for winter and a few more projects done around the yard.  Monday evening we went to Phil and Angie's to let Ryder meet Piper and so he could take his gift he bought her.  We all spoiled her while we were there.

Today is proving to be a fireplace/inside sort of day. It is extremely windy and rainy outside.  Ryder is complaining of a toothache-so I got him in this afternoon after school. I have a feeling this is his first (and hopefully last!) cavity. This will teach him that he needs to brush regularly.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Hump day

So here it is-a Wednesday. The week is half over already.  Monday evening Ryder helped me shuck (is that the right word?) some corn so we could have corn on the cob with our supper.  I tried a recipe with beef short ribs-needless to say we won't be having that again! But the corn, potatoes, and cucumber salad were delightful.

Our little dog finally decided he wanted to see Ryder off to school yesterday. He is a lazy dog and doesn't like to get up very early. But who can blame him-he's 11 years old so in dog years that is 77! He watched Ryder walk out to the bus and growled and whined when the bus came and left with his boy. It was a cute little sight to see.

Yesterday I picked all my garden produce that I could as we're in a frost warning for 2 nights here. I covered up my tomatoes and peppers and left the rest. Ryder informed me that it looks like we are growing blankets in our garden. Ha!  This morning I put my tomatoes to use and made 6 quarts of garden special. They are cooling on the counter and popping as I type. I would have loved to use green peppers out of my own garden but they just didn't produce (yet) this year. I did pick some jalepenos, so if I get the energy one of these fine days I will make a few pints of salsa.

So here I am-less than 2 hours from Ryder getting home from school, thinking I may just scrapbook! I haven't done so in quite some time-so it would be a great thing to do for an hour or so. Yesterday I spent a better part of my afternoon looking at wonderful crafts I could create and adding them to my Pinterest website. Oh that reminds me!!  I did re-paint my chalk board yesterday. It was a chalkboard we had growing up, and my mom was going to put it in a rummage sale a couple years ago. I snatched it back. Now I just need to sand the outer edges and figure out what to do with them and I can hang it up in my kitchen. I am thinking of making it my "Menu" board.

I just want to share a few of the things I have done that are crafty in my house. The first is my old window that I stuck a vinyl saying on for my laundry room. I just painted the wood white, stuck on the vinyl and Voila!

I also did a mirror with a vinyl cut out. The mirror frame was an ugly gold color so I spray painted it a bronzy color. It now hangs inside my front door.  I still don't quite like it there-but it will do for now.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Harvest Fest

We had a good weekend-but it went too fast!  Saturday morning we attended the Hazen Harvest Festival parade. It wasn't very long-but we got a lot of candy, and Ryder enjoyed himself. He is finally learning how to be a little more assertive. We were around many other children and I told him if he doesn't get up and be quick to get some candy he won't get any, well he got plenty.  We met up with Phil and Angie (still no baby) and had some lunch and walked around at the car show and the street vendors.  We walked further up Main St. to take Ryder to the kids games, which were very disappointing for the $10 we had to spend on a wristband for him. He couldn't even go on all of the 3 blow ups they had.  He enjoyed the petting zoo the most I think anyway.  Saturday evening we invited some friends out for a bonfire. It was a beautiful night! Almost a full moon and an abundance of stars. The Lesmann's and the Grossman's came out for it.

Sunday I went out to do Andy's hair and make our first FB picks of the NFL season.  Quay and Phil split wood all afternoon, so we now have an abundance of firewood again for the winter.  Misty and I went to Sarah Flath's baby shower. It was fun and I am glad I went. Sarah looks wonderful pregnant-she's all out front. I am just SO happy for Sarah and Jesse-they had a long road to travel for this baby and God has blessed them!

Our journey continues, I have tonight left on my pills, and the Lupron shots are going as well as can be expected. We travel to Fargo on Thursday night for an early Friday morning ultra sound appointment.  I still have no hopes this go around one way or the other. I do not want to put myself in that situation again where I was positively positive. I have to look out for my heart this time. Of course I want another baby-but I am just trying to remain calm and on the straight and narrow.

Friday, September 9, 2011


I love the mornings when it's still cool outside. I am ready for fall-when it's cool all day. It has been a lovely September so far, not looking forward to what may come in October, the "S" word usually shows up at about the end of it, then never leaves.

Yesterday Ryder woke up with a sore throat. I gave him some Tylenol and sent him to school. He seemed fine when he got home, and hasn't complained since. I know he was over tired from combining the previous night with Grandpa Earl since he got to  bed about an hour later than the norm. He loved it though! Tomorrow is the weekend again already! Wow-these weeks are flying by, just like I expected.

I need to go check the garden again, yesterday got a whole bowl full of cucumbers. Ryder picked a pail of tomatoes. Not sure if my mom wants anymore cukes-but I know we don't need anymore. My mother and my aunt Roberta went to Bismarck today to see if my Grandpa can come home. He fell last weekend and has been in the hospital ever since because of a banged up knee. That Grandpa-he needs to take it easy.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

One down

Well, we all survived the first full week of school--only....I have no clue how many more. Too many! This is a short week due to Monday being Labor Day.  Ryder comes home each night and we ask him what he learned today. His reply is normally, "you don't need to know what I do everyday!" Oh yes I do I tell him. He tells us the letter he learned that day and what sound it makes and the word that goes with it, along with a hand signal for it. He seems to really be enjoying learning. He is always saying words now and sounding out the first letter of it to see what it starts with. Tonight he wrote 1's all over a piece of paper. He thought he should practice them. Ha!!!

 We spent the weekend on the sailboat. We sailed to Indian Hills Friday evening after school. We ended up staying there until Sunday morning as Saturday turned out to be a very windy day, too much wind for this kid.  We had a fun day though--we took a hike and Ryder found a little friend we named Fuzzy, we played games, met some new friends, and just hung out.   Sunday morning we awoke to abundant sunshine and not much wind, but we motored out into the main channel and gave it our all to sail. We got a few gusts every now and then to give us hope. We were annoyed with tiny flying bugs for about 30 minutes, they made a terrible mess all over the cockpit, so I did a little (over-due I might add) scrubbing and cleaning.  We made it back to the marina around 6pm.

We got home, put away the food and went out to visit with Eric and see the kids for awhile. We were all pretty tired it seemed. That sun and slight breeze on the lake wore us out. Back to another week of work and school today.  I did laundry, shredded zucchini to freeze, vaccumed a little, mowed the lawn, picked cucumbers, slopped the hogs,  oh wait-no no--I was on a roll there!!  I still miss my little man every day while he's in school, I just can't wait to see him step off that bus at 3:25pm!! 

Last night was my first Lupron shot. They aren't too bad so far-but then I read the side-effects. I hope I don't get any of the 20-30 listed!!  I think they should just list the things you won't feel-it would be a shorter list I swear. Ryder likes to watch me poke myself. Last night he asked if that was the baby making medicine again.  Too funny--it is in a round about way. My bed is calling me--I must go.