Friday, October 14, 2011

It's over

The week is finally over and I must say I am relieved. It's been the longest week-full of anxiety.  On Wednesday morning we got our first beta test pregnancy test results only to be heartbroken once again when she told me the number was less than 1.  Today we went back for test #2, and again-negative.  I am truly broken hearted that I won't be pregnant ever again.  I loved being pregnant, I found it to be truly amazing that a tiny little person was growing inside of me. 

I just feel so broken. My body won't do what a woman's body is supposed to do. I feel like I try so hard in life to do the "right" thing, be a good person, but it just doesn't seem like it matters.  Why doesn't God answer our prayers? Why can't I have a house full of children?  I know there is a reason for everything, but I don't get this one.  I hope someday I will find the answer.

1 comment:

  1. Brings tears to my eyes, I don't know what to say....
    I guess you need to give yourself permission to grieve and be you and take time to let the unresolvable settle.