I wish

I am still battling with the inftertility "demons". 

I can say I am past it, but I am not.

 I can put on a happy face, but inside it's eating me alive.

 I can say I won't go through IVF again, but I would.

I can say, no adoption isn't for us, but I think it could be.

 

When will this go away?  This feeling like I am incompetant as a woman because I can't have a baby, with or without medical intervention. It has always seemed like the easiest thing in the world-people have babies everyday. Until now.

 Why me? I have so much love to give, and I think my son is getting smothered with it (not that that's a bad thing).

 

why why why why why

That is what goes through my head over and over and over. I get no answer.

I see a woman carrying a baby, or a woman with 3-4-5 kids and think--why can she have so many and I can't be blessed with the "pregnant" gene.

I don't curse these women-I envy them. I wish I could be like them-fertile.

 

Then I hear or read about a women complaining about being pregnant and think-REALLY!! You have been blessed with a new life-what is wrong with you!!? Do you know how many women wish they could get pregnant and here you are complaining about it!!?

 

I pray, almost daily, that God would give us another child.

Do I feel like my prayers are unanswered?....yes, I do.

Do I feel shameful about this because I already have a beautiful son who is the best child anyone could ask for?...yes, I do.

 

Why do we always want more in life?

Why isn't what I have good enough?

Why is life so full of heartache?

why why why why...there they go again

 

I just wish, hope, pray, long, yearn for a new life to be growing inside me. Please.

Simply Sunday

Sunday is coming to a close again. It was a nice day today-the temps crept up and turned out to be a beautiful fall day. Ryder and I headed out to my parents house around 11am. We went for a walk down the road with my dad, the dog, and 3 of my brothers. We saw 3 snakes on our walk {one was dead} out sunning themselves. When we got back it was time for lunch and some FOOTBALL! There were lots of good games today, and it's always more fun to watch with more people. Quay got up and came out at about 12:30pm, so we got to spend the afternoon with him as well. 

We came home this evening to get Ryder ready for school again tomorrow. He practiced piano {he started lessons last week}, and read some books.  He got a few new books through the book order at school. One was titled, "There was an old lady that swallowed some books". As I was reading it I couldn't help but 'sing' it. Ryder was having a cow because "that's not a song mom!" Well....when I was done reading that to him I proceeded to sing the real song, "there was an old lady who swallowed a fly". He listened to me sing the whole song with delight on his face and a smile on his lips.  When I was done he says to me, "sing it again!" So I did. And he sang along.  He claims to have never heard that song, I just think it's been that long. 

I love that I can still make him look at me like I am a superhero for teaching him a new funny song. I've still got it! He is growing up so fast, I just want him to stay little so I can remain "supermom".

School pictures

I am never overly impressed with school pictures. I normally have a family member {my SIL and my brother have nice DSLR cameras} take Ryder's pics. But this year, I have my own camera, so I am thinking of heading out to our land {it's almost ours--getting closer anyway} and snapping away at Ryder. 

But, since the school does them and I want my child in the school yearbook, we get them taken and I order the smallest package so that we get a class photo as well. Yesterday was picture day in the elementary school, so before he got on the bus we did a few practice shots at home.  I hope he picked the  smile he has in the large photo here!! Ha!

He is very photogenic {I am not bias at all!} His dad is as well, I don't feel that I am.  He has a nice smile, even with missing teeth.

Refurbishing

I have done a few craft things as of late. My sister-in-law {who is expecting a baby within the next few weeks} had this mirror that she wanted in the baby's room. So I came up with an idea and she let me run with it.


Here is the mirror before. It once had a shelf on it where the light colored narrow piece of wood is now. My SIL suggested just cutting that bottom half off but I had bigger ideas!! I had my hubby add this piece and he sanded it all down nice and smooth.

Here is the AFTER!  Her nursery is grey with teal accents. So I primed and painted this, and cut out the vinyl with my Silhouette Cameo for the saying. It turned out so cute!

The next project I did was a fun gift for the new parents. She had two showers {of course I was invited to both}, so for one she got a baby gift, for the other a parent gift. I found the idea on pinterest and ran with it. It was so fun to find all the stuff for it, and I made the little sign in Publisher and tied it on with ribbon.

The "sanitize before snuggles" was also a pinterest idea. I just bought a hand sanitizer, peeled off the label {and used a ton of goo-gone to get the sticky off!}, then cut out the words with my Cameo.

Here are the goodies that this Birth Day Comfort Kit includes: The bag is from Mary Kay that I have had for awhile, it's normally pink on the outside, so I turned it inside out. It came with the neck pillow {perfect for this project!}. On the inside~magazine, cute socks for mom in the hospital, hand sanitizer, chap stick, mouthwash, soft tissues, wet ones, lotion, tic tacs, small notebook and pen, water with small flavor pack, bobby pins and hair rubber band, m&m's, skinny cow candy bars.

You could put any kind of snacks in there. I just chose something I knew they would like.  I hope they enjoy it on the big day! I know I would!

Simply Sunday

So it's once again Sunday, one of my favorite days of the week. It's a relaxing day. Day for family. I sit here typing in a quiet house. My hubby is at work, the boy is at the lake with his grandparents. There is a slight breeze outside and a sprinkle or two of rain. What a beautiful day!! A day of reflection, a day of hope for the future.

A couple weeks ago we took the hunting dog out for a little exercise (we got some as well!). He was tired out by the end of our jaunt, and the heat was setting in for the day, so we stopped in the stubble field and Ryder got his first taste at shooting a gun. Quay gave him a quick lesson on gun safety and how to aim. We set up a beer can about 20 yards out and the little stinker hit it his first shot!! I even got in on the action a little bit.

Looking down the road toward my parents farm.

We have had frost several nights now, so last week we picked all of our garden produce. I canned some tomatoes a few days ago for stews and cooking later. Much more needs to be done yet though.

 

 

 

Linking up with:

It happened...

The time has come.  I knew it would one day, but I didn't think it would be so soon. It's a day I have been dreading for years.  This morning I walked with Ryder out to the bus. As it was approaching I gave him a little squeeze and kissed him on the top of the head and I got the "MOooom!"

I said, "what?"

Ryder, "the bus!"

Me, "what you don't want anyone seeing me hug you?"

Ryder, "NO!"

Me (as the bus is just about to stop at our approach, hehe), "how about now?"

Ryder, "quit it!"

Okay, so maybe I was almost looking forward to this time, where he is starting to get embarrased by his parents doting on him. He is my only one, I have to dote on him! I just wub him SOOOO much. Hehe.

So the age has come, he's 7 and his parents embarress him. Maybe it's because that cute girl rides his bus. Who knows what is going on inside the mind of a 7 year old boy. Normally I think it's just the sound of engines roaring and guys battling it out. I guess not this morning.

School Days

The little man has almost a week under his belt of first grade. So far so good. His teacher had her baby girl yesterday morning, so she is gone for 6 weeks now. We'll have to go buy her something cute. I asked him what he wanted me to make him for his after school snack and he said "rice krispie bars", so I made them up with fruity pebbles in them also. Yummy!

 My big 1st grader

 Ryder at his new desk

 After school yummy-goodness

 Coming home on the bus

His auntie Misty wants to do a picture every year now on the first day of school (we did it last year too), we didn't catch her in the morning at school, but we did in the afternoon after school at her house.  It may be a challange as he gets older but his auntie will wrangle him up. Haha!

He has 21 children in his room this year.  That may change yet as the year goes on, they will probably get a few new kids with the oil boom. He took cold lunch today, as chili on a day when it's supposed to be 100* probably isn't a good thing.

The night before school, I asked Ryder a few questions and made this during his first day. I am going to try and do this every year. What a great way to look back!

I did very well on the first day. No tears. I am a little lonely at home without his toothless grin to see throughout the day, but I know he's having fun learning and playing with his buddies. This is such a growing time for a child in school, learning how to interact with others.
I found this poem on FB, a friend had posted it. How true and fitting.