Wait...

So, another month has gone by in my life. Another disappoinment. Every month I hope that just one egg made it out and met a seed to turn into a beautiful life inside me. Every month. Yes--every month I feel disappointment. It only lasts for a day or so and then I feel normal again, but I do go through this every month and I have gone through this for the last --oh let's say 11 years of marriage.  I pray daily for the chance to be a mother again, to give Ryder the chance to be a big brother, for Quay to be a father of 2. My prayers go unanswered.

I came across this poem today and it really hit the nail on the head. I will wait.

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . wait.

Ahhh socks!

I love being a housewife/stay at home mom, but I really dislike some of the stuff that goes along with it. Like cleaning. I really don't enjoy doing it. Must be why it doesn't get done often enough. And laundry. I don't mind throwing the clothes in the washer or the dryer-but what comes next absolutely has to be the worst thing ever-folding and hanging. 



This morning I was in a 'mood'. Okay-so I have been in a 'mood' state of mind for a few days now. Bless my husbands heart that he is still alive living in this house.  I went to sort laundry this morning and what do my wondering eyes spy? Socks (and lots of them) all inside out.  This is a BIG pet peeve of mine. I thought I had trained him years ago how NOT to put your socks in the hamper, but I guess his brain must have erased that life lesson.  I informed him that they will go into my washing machine "as-is" and then into his drawer "as-is".  Lo and behold-when I went to actually do those loads a few hours later-the socks had all magically turned themselves the right way. Hmm.  My son has inherited this inside-out gene from my husband, but I have also since trained him the right and wrong of hampering.

I hate when I get in this "state of mind". No one can really do right by me, it's my way or the highway buddy. The lady in billing got a piece of my mind on Monday because of their assanine billing, today someone else almost got another piece of it on the phone because some dumb "credit card services" keeps calling my house twice a day and it always states on the answering machine that 'this is your last chance'. I sure wish they would keep that promise. Because today when I actually picked up the phone and "George" answered and I said immediately "TAKE MY NAME AND NUMBER OFF THIS LIST!!!!" , he hung up on me! The nerve!!  So we called back right away and got some kind of recording. Scammers.  If they call again tomorrow I will be prepared.

I am hoping to be in a better mood tomorrow-but I am not making any promises.

I just realized I never posted the Christmas gifts I made with my Silhouette machine. They turned out great!! I need to make myself one now!

They were fun to make also. I would love to make them for other people, but I would have to figure out a price. I could do any saying/verse really, and characters are almost endless. I think I will pin them to my pinterest and see what happens. :)

Almost February!

I can't believe it's almost February and we have no snow and the temperature is still pretty mild. Our winter has been very.....un-winter-like.  I am not really complaining, but yet a little snow so my boy could go sledding again would be nice. He did get a sled for Christmas that hasn't touched the cold wet stuff.  We have been getting hints of snow but then the temp comes up and it's gone.

Grandpa Woody had to move into the nursing home a couple weeks ago, and the day after he did he fell and broke his shoulder. So now he is in a sling due to surgery being too risky for him. It's hard seeing loved ones hurting. 

We have been a little anxious lately about our future. We have made an offer on some land, and are now waiting on what they have to say about it.  We eventually want to build a house on it, but first things first--get the land!!  It's exciting but makes me nervous to start a new venture.  I have a couple house plans picked out, but need to decide on which we can afford. Most importantly which one will feel like "home". But anywhere I am with my boys will be home to me. :) 

We are on to a frugal life for awhile now, need to pay off some bills and start saving. We have been doing really well-I need to give props to Quay for not spending.

Health and Happiness

First off....I need to be and want to be healthy. We don't eat enough of the "good stuff" in our house-and I want to change that. I bought fruit this week at the grocery store-more than normal, and we have all been eating it-not just Ryder.  I have been eating smaller portions at supper, and I started eating Special K for lunch. I did the special K thing last winter and I know I lost some weight before our vacation. I am not a breakfast eater, but I sometimes have a cup of coffee.  I know I need to workout, and from what I have heard, you don't need to work out for an hour every day. Last night I worked out for about 25 mins after discovering tumbler.com.  Tonight I did this exercise regimine I found on Pinterest. It wasn't easy-but I did it!


I want to try and do something like this everyday and see what happens. I think it will be best if I change it up every day so I don't get bored with it.  Last night I took some before pics, hopefully in a month or two I can post them with after pics. :)

Quickly

Yes-that is right-time goes by so quickly.  Christmas vacation seems like a blur and so long ago already. Ryder has been back in school for a week now. I was looking forward to it so much, and now it's over and gone and winter is still here. Summer can't come soon enough.  Although these temps we've been having are alright!

Ryder had his Christmas program on December 20th at school-it was so cute! He was so excited for it. Then on the 21st was his Christmas party at school. I went and helped with it--those little kids are all so cute!

 He has the white tie on.

Okay-so Christmas-it was really nice. We went to church on Christmas Eve with all of our families, then spent the evening in town at the Hagel side.  Christmas morning we had to wake Ryder up, and he had found that Santa came once again!!  He brought goodies for all.  We headed out to the Wiedrich side after our gift opening at home.  Everyone was there except Jessen and Kayden who were with their mom for the weekend.  We all got what we wanted I believe and we ate too much and laughed plenty.

Fast forward one week-we spent New Years eve at my parents house. We played games and ate and then ate some more. It was fun! Ryder found that he is really good at jousting on the Wii.

Now here we are--mid-winter already and it's still in the 40's for temps. But I read this morning that our warm spell is coming to an end with below zero wind chills and snow flurries coming soon. I guess it will make it feel like home.

We have exciting news in the process.....I will explain more when it all becomes a little more "real". So I will keep all in suspense. :)

Wow, another busy week went by so fast.  Ryder was the "star student of the week" in his room at school, so we had to make a poster for that, it was his un-birthday on Friday so I made him some cupcakes, we went and ate lunch with him on Tuesday. That was really fun. I like to see what his days are like at school, and that gave me a little glimpse, and all those little kids are just too cute!  Thursday was my Mary Kay holiday open house, which was just about a flop-thank God for the 5 people that did show up (and 2 of them were family). That will be the last year I do that, my product is slowly dwindling.  I will still keep up to date with ordering and such, but no more parties, and no more adopt a grandparent right before Christmas. It's making me grumpy. Thank goodness it's about over. What else happened this week....oh-Thursday night/Friday morning I woke up at 3:30am and never fell back to sleep. So that sucked. That about sums up my week. Hoping this next week goes better.

Quay worked last night, then went to coach a wrestling tournament all day. He got home around 3:30pm with a very horse voice. He fell asleep about 6pm and hasn't really woken up except for about 15 minutes to eat a little and watch the very beginning of Home Alone with us. Poor guy-too much on his plate.  I am very proud of him--he is finally quitting his chewing habit. He's been on chantrix for about 3 weeks and we are all still alive!! No one has killed eachother from mood swings or withdrawls. Haha!

Christmas is fast approaching-only 2 weeks!